MIA

One of the reasons why I love journaling so much is that it allows me to document my life. I'm not documenting for anyone else... just for me. To me it's a value-statement. I am saying to myself that my life is worth documenting. I like to be able to offer myself that sense of validation.

It seems that I inadvertently took a break from blogging. That is because I inadvertently took a break from journaling. My grandma passed away in early March. I have never had to deal with the death of someone who was so close to me and it's been really hard. I know that a journal can be an excellent place to turn when things are hard but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I was afraid...  afraid of admitting what was going on, afraid of moving forward, afraid of my emotions.... But then one day I took out my pen and I wrote about what was going on. I wrote about how I was feeling. And yes, it was hard. But documenting and validating my grief has been a good experience. It is helping me to learn how to adjust to life. Initially it was all so overwhelming; knowing that one day my grandma will have been gone for a month, then two months, and one day it'll be a year, and then two years... I did not know how to deal with that. And honestly, I still don't. But as time goes on I am dealing. And journaling has played an important role, for which I am thankful.

Pen to Paper on the News!!

My mom has known for some time now that Journaling has the power to change lives. As a little girl I grew up watching my mom journal not really knowing exactly what was taking place. But here I am, a young adult, and I can see the profound change journaling has had in her life. In turn, I now take pen to paper on my life journey. It is really interesting that Pen-to-Paper's vision is: To help all people grow intellectually, physically, emotionally and spiritually through the process of putting pen to paper. That is exactly what my mom did for me and that is now what she is doing with her business. The other day, CBC news reporter Patrice Moresseau came to our house and interviewed my mom on her work. Being able to sit there and listen to my mom tell her story was amazing. The most powerful part I thought, was when she said that she credits being the person she is today and the mother that she is today to journaling. My mom is an amazing person and an even more amazing mom. If she is crediting that to journaling then it is clearly very powerful stuff!

We are all so proud of what we are doing at Pen-to-Paper and are so appreciative to CBC for allowing us to share our story! So take a look!

I'm not a Runner!

The other day I made plans with a friend of mine to meet up for tea. Since I am recently graduated and she is still in school we decided to make our own tea instead of heading over to our usual Starbucks. We used to be neighbors, so inviting her over was never a problem--even in the middle of a Winnipeg winter! But now that I have moved, meeting up on a whim is not nearly as easy. Regularly we resort to busses, but like I said.. Winnipeg winter, it’s just oh so cold out right now! Luckily, my brother was in town this time and he has a car. I asked him if he would mind going to pick up my friend. Of course, being a brother, he said no. He even went on in that way only brothers do--Can’t she just run over? You see, my friend has recently transformed her life to involve various forms of exercise. She works out regularly and enjoys trying out new exercises. She does Sunday Yoga, has tried Zumba, loves Nia, she even just got a yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do! But she’s not a runner. And I tried to explain this to my brother as we drove over to get my friend, because as we all know, when he says no he really just means yes! When we got there my brother was quick to ask my friend, “You run, don’t you?” She replied, “Yeah, I run.” My brother was quick to exclaim, “See! I told you she was a runner!” But just as quickly my friend responded, “Oh, I’m not a runner!”

This is the kind of funny banter that characterizes my immediate family and close friends. It’s quick and it's fun. But I think the reason that I love it so much is that it often encapsulates a lesson that I need to learn. I’m not the kind of person that likes to be sat down and lectured about life lessons. Which is probably a good thing really. There aren’t many times in life where there is someone who will actually sit you down and tell you exactly what it is you need to know to get through the very thing you have been struggling with. Wisdom often comes to us in more unexpected ways. We have to be looking for it. Which means we have to be ready for it. If the wisdom is beyond us or what we are ready for, then it gets lost in the mix of everyday life, waiting to resurface when we are ready. 

You may be wondering how this all ties into my journaling blog. Well you see, I was brainstorming ideas of what exactly to write about in my blog. One of my ideas was to blog about someone who is new to journaling and blog about the experience of becoming a journaler. I thought that would be a great idea. It would be something that other people could relate to and we could all become journalers together. But something kept nagging me in the back of my mind.... you already are a journaler.... but no, I’d exclaim back. I’m not a journaler. I have tried on many occasions to keep a journal. I had a diary back in grade 4 and have had more serious sporadic journaling episodes from when I was in grade 7 up until now. But nothing consistent. I will write everyday for months at a time but then I will skip months. Sometimes I’ve skipped a whole year. I’ve made new year’s resolutions to write in my journal everyday, but I always fail. I’ve kept a daily diary for periods of time, book journals, travel journals, scrapbooks, quote books, devotion journals, dream journals--but like I said, none of them consistent. 

So I wanted to try again. I wanted to make an oath to write in my journal everyday and then blog about the experience. I thought that if I’m accountable to my readers (well... my potential readers, I hope there are some of you out there or will be someday haha) then I would be sure to be successful this time. 

But then I got to thinking. What was it that made my friend say that she is not a runner? Was it because she doesn’t run everyday? Did she make an oath to run everyday but fail? No. The reason she does not call herself a runner is because she doesn’t love it to her core. Initially she wanted to be a runner, to be the person that goes out and just runs and loves it. But she doesn’t love it, not in the same way that she loves Tae Kwon Do. And there’s nothing negative about it. It has nothing to do with failure, it just has to do with how she sees herself. 

Which got me thinking even more. Maybe I am a journaler. Maybe I am being too hard on myself. After all, I love to journal. When I am going through something tough--with family, relationships, choices, life plans--my journal is where I turn to. When I want to remember something, I journal about it. When I look back at my collection of journals I have filled over the years and I reread what I’ve written, I see that every entry has served it’s purpose. It does not matter that I write in it everyday. What matters is that I know that it is there and that I use it when I need to. It is my journal. No one ever said you have to write in it everyday to be a real journaler. I can make my own journaling standards. 

A journal is an amazing tool that I have at my disposal. Tools are just tools. What really matters is how the tool is approached and used. We all have the right to approach a tool from our own individual standpoint. And we are then able to find a way to fit it into our life. Not only are we able to so, but this is what we must do if we are to benefit from it or use it to its full potential. 

So what I leave you with is not an introduction to the specific theme of this blog. Sorry about that! It looks like I will just be sticking with the more general theme of a blog about experiences with and thoughts on journaling--my experiences and thoughts as a journaler. I really hope that this blog and the other blogs, articles, stories and links on www.pen-to-paper.com, will inspire you to start a journal of your own. Or, I hope it inspires you to dust off an old journal and rekindle your relationship with it! Journaling is not about failure or labels or strict guidelines. If you write in it everyday, once a week, once a month or even once a year and love it; then we are all journalers!